Hey! Stop it! Body Comments Not Welcome
I’m so glad you’re here reading this blog. If you take anything from this blog entry, please let it be this:
STOP MAKING COMMENTS ON BODIES! Whether you are commenting on your own body or someone else’s body. Whether is seems like a compliment. Just please: FULL STOP.
This may be a newer recommendation for you, but chances are, you’ve heard this before and are nodding along. HOWEVER, IT IS ESSENTIAL that you check in with yourself (or hey, check in with someone you trust for their feedback) regarding if you are doing this—maybe even without really noticing.
First and foremost, please hear me say that I am writing this with compassion. We live in a society that eats, sleeps, and breathes diet culture. Unfortunately, sizeism and anti-fat bias (in addition to racism, sexism, xenophobia, homophobia, and transphobia) exist. We really can’t escape judgements on bodies. AND YET. We do have a responsibility to take inventory of our thoughts, beliefs, and actions so that we can create a kinder, safer, more just world.
Making comments about bodies, no matter the intention, can be harmful. As an eating disorder therapist, I hear countless stories of comments made that have had an impact on body image and sense of self. Most comments that were made were not with malintent. Some common ones include:
-Comparing the bodies of siblings or other family members
-Comments regarding pregnant bodies
-Comments regarding growing bodies
-Comments regarding aging or changing bodies
-Comments that are sexually objectifying
To expand on a few of these:
Comparing the bodies of siblings or other family members: We are beings who compare. It’s in our nature to judge and perceive, but clearly there are times it is not helpful for our wellbeing. When comments are made such as “Your body is like Great-aunt Susie’s but your sister’s is like Grandpa Joe’s”, there is a lot of implicit meaning that can be formed. From early on, due to diet culture and sizeism, we learn that certain bodies are categorized as “good” bodies and others are “less than ideal.” Without much thought, we internalize at a young age that bodies are often judged and appraised. So off-handed comments, like the one about Great-aunt Susie, can bring incredible shame, especially if you’ve heard Great-aunt Susie disparaging her body all of her life. Whatever the comment, there is little—if anything—gained from comparing bodies. Each body, even bodies that share gene pools, is unique and worthy.
Comments regarding pregnant bodies: Some people may be completely fine with comments, but most of the feedback I’ve heard (in addition to my own experiences with being pregnant) is that comments are unwanted. Those who are carrying babies know they are growing and don’t need the feedback. In addition to the general public, healthcare providers historically have caused harm in this realm. Please here this: It is absolutely okay to arrive to appointments prepared to set boundaries to providers regarding body comments.
Comments regarding growing bodies: Children and teens, obviously, go through many developmental changes throughout their early lives. Please proceed with caution when making comments about appearance. When in doubt, opt for making comments unrelated to appearance….and actually, this is helpful for people at any age. Some alternative comments include:
I can see you are working so hard.
I love spending time with you.
You are a thoughtful friend.
Again, healthcare professionals have often made comments to kids and teens about their weight that have caused much harm (and in some cases, those comments fuel or ignite deadly eating disorders). Please know, it is appropriate to go to your providers with boundaries regarding the comments they make on weight or appearance.
In conclusion, no body comments. Yes, none. Those around you will greatly appreciate it!