Sex and Embodiment: A Blog with Amy Furuyama, MSW, LCSW
Hi Amy. Tell me a little about yourself.
Hi Sarah, it’s wonderful to connect! My name is Amy Furuyama and I am a Korean American mental health therapist helping adults navigate intimacy and sexual challenges. The range is wide in addressing sexual challenges- there’s sexual trauma, sexual anxiety and performance, low libido, sexual identity exploration, to name a few. There are so many people out there really struggling in this area in their lives, especially in the Asian American community, but fear, shame and stigma can hinder them from seeking help. I hope to bring awareness and education in the importance of tending to one’s sexual issues and encourage more dialogue in this topic.
On a personal note, I am a mother to one sweet daughter, a wife, and lover of cute coffeeshops and good poetry.
Yes to cute coffeeshops! We met at one and I was immediately put at ease by your warmth. You are a sex therapist. Can you tell me more about what led you to wanting to be a sex therapist?
I grew up quite involved in the church and some of the messages that I received about sex was steeped with so much criticism and shame. During my teen and young adult years, when I would struggle with “impure” thoughts, I thought that something was horribly wrong with me! Later I found out there was a name for my experience in the church: purity culture. But as I grew up, learned different ways of thinking, worked on deconstructing my faith, and through therapy- the sexual shame began shrinking and I learned to accept that there was nothing wrong with me but that my experiences were quite normal.
What can clients expect when they come to you for therapy?
The number one thing they can expect is that I take on a nonjudgmental stance. I am sex-positive, open and affirming of all sexual orientations, gender identities, and relationship configurations. Also, no question or topic is off the table and there is no “TMI” with me. Talking about sex can be a scary and sensitive topic for many, so I go at a pace they are comfortable with. We talk about goals they hope to achieve in therapy. I am not a blank slate therapist so I will sometimes share a little about myself. Sometimes, homework may be assigned to facilitate reinforcement in between sessions.
Oftentimes when I work with clients with eating disorders, we explore embodiment. What is embodiment and how does it show up in work your work with clients?
Embodiment is when one allows self to experience sensations in the present moment, creating a mind and body connection. Embodiment is so critical in sex therapy. So many of the times people can get in their head and engage in “spectatoring”, a term used in sex therapy for those who experience a critical narrator in one’s mind during sex. An example could be- “Oh my gosh, is he looking at my stomach?” or “Am I doing this right?” or “Does she think I’m lasting long enough?” And when that happens, it interferes with being in the present moment in the sexual activity. That critical narrating voice is a mood killer! However, most of us have engaged in spectatoring at some points in our lives, and in those cases we work on practicing mindfulness, sensate focus and unpack the fears we may have.
I know that some clients can really struggle with mindfulness or it feels triggering. How do you support clients who might be fearful to engage in mindfulness?
Great question. I will assess what could be too overwhelming or too outside their window of tolerance through communicating with them. I am big on permission seeking. So I will ask for permission to see if this is a practice they are ok with, and if so, see if it can be focused to more bite sized way that could feel more tolerable. Perhaps it is starting out in session with grounding with a physical object- I may suggest using something small- a small toy, a stone, a geode, even a keychain they have near them, and ask them to name the texture, the feel of the object, and have them describe the experience of touching that object. Or focusing on things they already do- for example, if they already engage drinking tea in the morning or eating their breakfast oatmeal- ask them to start naming the senses of that experience. That does not seem as scary!
What do you think is most rewarding about this work?
Seeing clients move from shame to self acceptance is pretty rewarding. I love seeing clients learn that it’s ok to embrace their sexuality!
Lastly, where can people reach you?
They can reach me at amyfuruyama.com, amyfuruyama@protonmail.com, or www.instagram.com/therapywithamy.